We are all in the business of expectations.

Essentially businesses do not sell products, they sell expectations. Think about it – we expect taxi’s to deliver us to our desired destination, we expect 7-11 to open 24 hours not 12, we expect excellent service when we dine at the Ritz, we expect this season’s style when we shop at Louis Vuitton and when we buy a Volvo we expect that it will last us for at least 10 years from the time it leaves the showroom.

Expectations go beyond trade – it’s an integral part of any relationship. You do not expect a stranger at the bus stop to say “Hi”. But you will expect your colleague whom you bumped into at the mall to at least acknowledge your presence – vice versa. Similarly in an intimate relationship, your partner will have different expectations of you. He/She might expect marriage at the end of the road …or not, or perhaps children but not marriage. Or neither. Really depends on your expectation and his/her’s.

Remember there is no such thing as having no expectations. “Having no expectation” is already an expectation in itself defined by the expectation of expecting nothing. Low expectation does not equal no expectation – period.

Just food for thought.

So I was watching an episode of Desperate Housewives…

A moment between Tom and Roy

…and the theme was on “Judging Others”. There was a scene in which Lynette complained to Tom that Roy, their newly-employed handyman (now ex-handyman for obvious reasons) had been passing judgments on her. Roy had the impression that Tom was emasculated and being hen-pecked, given no dignity or respect as Lynette seems to be the only decision maker around the house.

This was the conversation that took place between Tom and Roy:

[Walking towards Roy who's sitting on the verandah sipping beer]  Hey Roy! Can I talk to ya?

Sure thing pally! Here, take a load off. [Hands him a can of beer]

*Chuckles*

If it’s about me getting into it with your wife though I have to stop ya first and say I am sorry.

Well thanks. *smiles sheepishly*

Well I know times have changed. But a man’s still a man …and you deserve your wife respect you.

She respects me plenty Roy.

*Shrugs*

<moves closer to Roy, sits besides him holding a can of beer> Here’s the thing you gotta understand about Lynette. She grew up without her dad, her mom was a drinker – so she had to be responsible for everyone.

*Shrugs* Yeah well, that’s rough. [sips beer]

Yeah… It left her with this constant fear that everything could suddenly fall apart and that’s why she need to control everything. Of course she can’t… Nobody can. But she can control me… if I let her. So I do. Because it makes her feel safe. And that is my job as her husband <opens can of beer> – to make her feel safe. <takes a sip from the can>

That was a profound and moving scene for me and I thought I should share.

“You make me want to be a better man.”

It’s easy to get into a relationship. I am not kidding. Instant relationships abound these days. I’ve known people who have entered into relationships after the first meeting, exchanged I-love-yous at the third sms and moved in together in less than a month of knowing each other!

Of course I’ve exaggerated some details but you get my point.

Having someone to have and to hold is the easy part. But to have someone who adds value to your life, who motivates you to be a better you not out of a fear of inferiority but out of a genuine desire to self-actualize, to fulfill your innate potential  - that’s tough.

A dear friend once told me that a life partner has to be someone who is not an obstacle to my personal growth and who can help me achieve to be the person whom God wants me to be; this applies the same vice versa. Somehow her advice reminds me of the scene from As Good As It Gets when Melvin (Jack Nicholas) told Carol (Jodie Foster) that she made him want to be a better man.

The relationships that I had directed me in some ways or another to be the person that I am today. Granted not all of the relationships I had were value-adding. But for those that were (or for those times they were) – I am grateful, because that has brought me closer to realizing my full potential.

For that I thank you. :)

Broad strokes and big pictures

Building blocks for my house!

I like to make a list of things for my new home. I told my mum to keep my Legos, so that I could have them in my home to make it more personalized. I spotted some vintage glassware at an old sundry shop in my hometown and imagined how it would fit with the rest of my furniture. I got myself three old tomes of Dostoevsky, Tolstoy and Chekhov at a jumble sale thinking that they would make nice bookends on wall-mounted shelves.

Oh yeah, I buy stuff for my new home too.

… The thing is I haven’t got my own place yet. :P

Someone told me that I see life in broad strokes, in big pictures. I think I do. I kinda see where I want to be in 5 years and I work towards achieving that, even in little ways such as buying stuff for my imagined home. Of course a more practical way to achieve that is to work towards moving up the salary scale, but that’s a given, no? Some might call me a dreamer, an idealist or even a fatal optimist. :P But I believe it is little things like these that helps us move closer towards our goals and closer towards fulfilling our dreams. :)

Yuna

Yuna – Yuna (EP)

It was her voice that first caught my attention. She sings with an air of melancholy yet I felt there was some secret hope. Occasionally a tinge of naivety but the echoes of an old soul comes through. A tudung-wearing gadis melayu singer-songwriter who defied stereotypes by her choice of language in which she sings and her attitude towards life.

Down-to-earth, heartfelt and genuine, Yuna’s songs won her fans all over the country. Backpacking Around Europe reminded me of windy Saturday late afternoons at the Sultan’s botanical garden. While Deeper Conversation brings to mind imageries of gloomy wet Decembers, whereas Blue Sands reminded me of a time where I thought I had lost all hope at being happy.

Looking back now, I marveled how I managed to pull through and in the process becoming a better me… a happier me :)

Perhaps that’s also how Yuna managed to garner so many fans – through her songs that seem so highly personalized to her audience.

Yuna’s EP is now available, to purchase just email cdsalesyuna@gmail.com with your name, address, contact number and the number of copies you’d like. If you’re around the vicinity of Damansara Uptown, you may purchase her CDs at Wondermilk or Badger, or Garage Flower at Greentown Mall if you’re in Ipoh.

Art

Untilted (sic) 521 by Françoise Nielly

It evokes imagination, pushes boundaries, challenges conventions and dreams the impossible. It brings out emotions you never thought you had and creates new found obsessions. It transports you to a different world and sometimes it allows you to play another character other than yourself. Religion isn’t the opiate of the people, art is.

I was introduced to Françoise Nielly by Leon through his blog. Her paintings are simply breathtaking! The colors denotes boldness. The imagery, heavily sensual. The manner in which she paints, sexual – reminds me of a sort of wild abandon… Collectively her paintings are just – wow! Check out her other paintings and let me know if you share the same sentiments.